Harassment happens ALL.THE.TIME. And it happens in nearly every possible situation.  Even professional settings. They happened when I was younger, and they still happen now.

It seems that something about conferences emboldens these abusers.  That’s what they are.  Abusers.  Predators. 

The net results of these incidents are, at a minimum, women avoid these situations altogether, and this reduces their careers advancement opportunities.  Sometimes they are in actual danger (see the roofie incident below, thankful for friends keeping me safe).

Here’s a few of my more memorable stories.  There are many more that are in more personal settings.  Here's some that could have impacted my career.

2007- I was at the MIX conference in Las Vegas. No fewer than three male colleagues felt it was ok to rub and squeeze my thigh with their hand at various dinners, happy hours and such, at least one under the table while my husband sat on the other side of me.

2009- I was at the attendee party at Tech Ed Los Angeles. I got roofied and don’t remember much of the evening.

2012- Expo hall of a conference, stopped at a booth to chat about the product they were offering.  I was offered something else from the guy at the booth. Something very specific.

2016- I was at MVP summit at a semi-official social gathering. I was enthusiastically greeted by someone who then tried to kiss me on the mouth. He drunkenly “whispered” to me that he was trying to kiss me on the mouth.

2017- I was at a professional conference and a friend of a friend was very uncomfortable with the unwelcome and unprovoked attention she was getting from a male attendee.  With her permission, I approached him to explain how it was making her feel and demand he leave her alone.  He claims he had no idea she would not welcome his attention.

2023 -At another conference on the expo floor a vendor’s representative was purposefully getting into the personal space of several women in attendance.  He was very blatantly getting right up to us, as close as he could without touching.  Very smarmy and obvious.  It happened to me and at least one other attendee who came to me with her concerns.

What’s the solution?

• Don’t be that person.  Don’t be the person who behaves this way.
  
  
• If you see this happening, put a stop to it.  But remember, the first rule of rescue is don’t become a victim.  So, find a way, any way, to simply interrupt what is happening. You can do this by simply walking right up and starting a conversation about anything.  You’re at a conference, talk about the keynote.  Shopping, ask where to find the milk.  Interrupt the flow of the abuser in such a way that the situation goes away on its own.
  
  
• Hold people accountable.  You see someone you know acting this way, YOU go tell them to stop it.  Demand higher standards from one another.
  
  
• Check in with your colleagues when you're at events.  See that everyone is safe returning to their room after the social events. 
   
• Keep telling the stories until the ones who need to hear them are actually listening.
  
  
• Tell someone in charge.  Events now have a code of conduct.  And they enforce it, if they know.  So, tell them.

As much as we like to make stories relatable and sure, we’re all someone’s daughter, sister, mother, wife, grandmother. 

But I am a person. 

Me. 

Recognize that I have importance even without needing to be attached to someone else.  And I deserve safety and equality too.